Thursday, October 22, 2015

the worst two weeks.

Nurse: "Okay, all done! Now, just take a home pregnancy test in two weeks and call us if it worked! Good luck!"

The door to that tiny room in the University of Utah Infertility Clinic closed with more force than I think she was expecting.

Good luck? Thanks. Wait two weeks?? No thanks.

The rational part of my mind is thinking, "Calm down. You have been waiting for a lot longer than two's not going to kill you."

But the other part of my mind is going crazy. "Are you serious? Two weeks! To see if it might have worked? And I have to do it at home? With a home pregnancy test? Is that even the same technology?"

My mind is also going a million miles a second calculating EXACTLY when two weeks will be. And just my "luck," a Sunday. Which does give me a day to cope with results before starting work win there. 

So, after 10 minutes of laying in an EXTREMELY cold room, we left the clinic.

Let me share what the worst two weeks of my life feels like (and then remember that every time we do this particular procedure...this is what it feels like)

Day 1:
I woke up feeling a little sick..OH MY GOSH! It worked! I have morning sickness! Surely it has nothing to do with the Mexican food I had last night.  Then, a couple minutes later, Scott rolls over and says his stomach hurts. Dang it.
Later morning: 
I get to work {late} and have students waiting for me. Which is fine, except its morning...and I hate morning. OH MY GOSH! I hate morning! It worked! Except I always hate morning. Dang it.
I already have to pee! {researches pregnancy symptoms for the 1983479387295th time}. Yup, its on there. Having to pee a lot. {ignores 64 oz bottle that I have already drained 75% of}
Is it hot in here? OH MY GOSH! It worked! Surely it has nothing to do with the fact that I am wearing a long sleeve shirt with a sweater and its 70 outside and there are a ton of kids in here and its afternoon with the sun shinning through my windows...
I don't feel like eating something with cheese. OH MY GOSH! It worked! Cheese is my favorite food, and I don't feel like eating it?

This goes on for Days 2-13...except that I am strangely getting more and more angry with the little things, hot and cold flashes, and overall stressed.

Day 14.
It came.
The day finally came.
Test taken.



{throws pregnancy test} Well, it had to of worked, right??? Maybe I just don't produce enough HCG for it to be read on one of those dumb tests anyway. Maybe I have to go get a blood test. I'll wait until tomorrow to go in and see. Yea, I'll do that. {twenty minutes later...Aunt Flo shows up...with a vengeance.}

I think back to the most common of my "symptoms."
Anger. I was getting more and more mad at students...oh, it was close to a test and they were stressed out too.
Hot and cold flashes. UTAH won't make up its stupid weather mind.
Overall more stressed. Yea..that can happen when you are teaching 3 different classes and coaching 3 different soccer teams.

And thus we see the cycle continues.

This is just a brief glimpse into what those two weeks can be like. I do consider myself lucky that I have work to distract me. But every second I am not talking or with a student, I am thinking, "could that be a sign?" Every time I am sitting at my computer, I am looking up pregnancy symptoms.

The two weeks weren't all bad though. It was during those weeks that Scott and I were nicer to each other and were focusing on making quality time for each other {dinner at the table, not the couch}. My relationship with him grew. My relationship with my close friends and family grew as I let them in on what we were doing and they promised to pray and help in anyway they can. My relationship with my Heavenly Father grew as I always had a prayer in my heart and the scripture Luke 1:37 running through my head the whole time.

It was a long two weeks. It was a hard two weeks. But I would go through it 100 times and more if it meant that I had the slightest possibility of becoming a mom.

{Luke 1:37 For with God nothing shall be impossible.}

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